Feeling like myself for the first time

Guest Story by Jenny

Time seemed to hang suspended. Embraced by the cool November air, scent of bark and mother nature, there were just a rock, a waterfall, the trees and me. I felt unique, poised in front of the camera, wearing just some airy texture without any underwear. The clouds in my mind evaporated with the secrecy of our plans.

Even today, as I think of the photographic adventure, I can feel the tree trunk between my legs. The harsh rock on my back. The fresh cold water swirling around my hips. And the green air in my hair, rising my mind above fears, encouraging me to take it further and let the sensitive side of me be seen.  

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To be honest: To be seen with all my edges and curves and everything in reverse was an unthinkable vision at first.

I postponed calling Lone a thousand times, just to forget my own idea of freedom. I hadn’t quite decided yet, although I wrote the email willingly to free myself. Breaking the rules about what life is about, disregarding social conventions, it is such a hard step for every man and woman, making us even more self-conscious than most. 

Unveiling the shroud of mystery, wouldn't that be the most peaceful dream for our body and soul? I realized: The hardest censor ever, might be myself. 

 

The moment I was going to do it, undressing myself, I didn’t know that this day would impress me forever. I didn’t know, it would be more than a Christmas present for my beloved husband. 

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As I saw myself without regrets, it felt like someone had given shape to another woman, although it was me standing still and quite in the ray of light by the afternoon sun. I wasn’t another person at this point, it was me all the time, but I found my Self again, no longer feeling lost in my life. I renewed.

Nude, I cleared my soul without feeling bare. 

I’ve progressed towards my self over the years, but this day it felt like I approached myself. I met my anxiety and the joy in my heart at the same time. My innermost part. My soul. And I discovered my face for the very first time. I hadn’t seen it since I was 14 and began starving myself. You loose everything, when you start fighting against yourself, just to be seen by others. 

In the woods, I died and was reborn at the same time. 

Retrospectively, I felt free inside myself and with my body for the first time. I was content in my skin. On that day I gave myself the biggest gift a woman can ever give to herself, no matter what inner complexities and challenges she is dealing with. 

 

I warmly recommend it to every person, man or woman or whatever. By meeting the challenge, confronting your inner critical voice, you will free your mind and shed all your roles and games you play in your everyday life. 

Now I don’t listen the voices anymore, the voices which keeps me away from motivation and discourages me. Do it like me! Do not wait until you might feel in a better shape, in a better mood. Let yourself be your present. Today! Being unveiled, finding yourself, accepting and loving the way you are – natural and beautiful.

Isn’t That a huge gift? 

 

 Shared by the lovely, lyrical Jenny.

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