I'm Tangible Proof

When I first discovered Lone Morch and her work more than 7 yrs ago, I was looking for an anniversary gift for my then husband. I became a follower of her blogs, dreamily looked through her galleries on lolo’s boudoir, wondered  what my photo session would someday be like.

Fast forward 4 springs, my marriage ended and I found myself a single parent to 3 teenagers, and a soon to be son in law.  Spring of 2012 found me in the middle of a family in turmoil again. My eldest daughter suffered from severe preeclampsia and delivered her daughter 11 weeks early, while my middle child and daughter had a mental breakdown. Both children 60 miles away from home, in opposite directions. (Believe me, I know! I did it, plus held down a full time job!)

Silver linings do exist

By Mother’s Day that spring I had to take a leave of absence from work to attend to my middle child. I’m a firm believer in silver linings, and one of them during this time was that I formed a terrific bond with my granddaughter and spend quality time with my daughter. We did a lot of sun worshipping and fell in love with yoga and water aerobics!

During this time however, my mother was also diagnosed and passed away from cancer in the matter of weeks. You ask why I’m telling you this and I have to say it became my final motivating factor in making an appt with Lone for my own personal adventure in her boudoir.

Chipped but not broken

I have been through a lot. Have lost a lot. Have gained a lot.Experienced some truly amazing things with some awesome people. Our experiences help shape who we are. They don’t define us.

My photo session was a gift to myself. A reminder that I may have been chipped a little in my journeys, but by no means am I broken. I am still Beautiful. Strong. A Survivor. My girlfriend and I made a list of things we wanted to accomplish before this year is out (and I turn 40!).  And having my photo session, with Lone, was right on the top of that list!

It's amazing, really!

Oh, I have imagined for soooo long what I’d wear, the vibe I wanted to portray, and ended up at the total other end of the spectrum! I decided on 3 looks and to do some nudes. 

Up until a few days before my shoot I was super excited, and then it turned into trepidation. Mad at myself for not hitting the gyms weeks prior to my adventure. But, I remembered my first conversation with Lone all those years ago, when I mentioned I should loose some weight before getting behind her lens. Not to stress. She knew how to capture the most flattering angles and said, not to worry.

In the end, I am who I am, giggly or not.

Only Lone and lovers get to see us this naked, this exposed…

Lone is a dream! She has an aurora that instantly put me at ease and made me feel like we were friends before even meeting her in person.  We had 3 hours for me to free myself to her and her lens/magic, and found that it was more comfortable that I had thought it would be.

Like many women, only our lovers have ever seen us this intimately naked, exposed. We see our reflections everyday in the mirror, but never like this.

Who will I discover in Lone’s lens view ?

I was eager to see what Lone would discover.  After the initial do or die, just get naked already moment, I felt relaxed and almost giddy at times. With gentle direction from Lone and just a willingness to open up and be daring from me, I found that I loved being adored, I loved being a model for the day. Me seducing the camera while it did the same to me!

Not all easy, but the beauty – my beauty – shines through

When I got my photos, I had to admit that some were easier to look at than others. It took me a few days to see beyond what wasn’t as firm as I would like, and to see the artistry, the beauty that was captured. The beauty that was me.

I loved the transitions and flow of the photos and the facets of me I wanted to explore, let out. I put my 40 favorite moments in my album from the shoot, and surprised myself with some of the choices I previously had a hard time looking at.

Tangible proof – I followed through on my dream

I am proud of myself for following through with this dream I had had for so long. I have tangible proof of my own beauty, grace and strength to fall on should I need to refill my storage tanks.

I will always look back on this experience with a greater acceptance of who I am, inside and out.

I honestly relish the day that I can tell my granddaughter that her Yaya followed her dreams and wasn’t afraid to express her sexy, sensual side while remaining a lady!

~ K. Boutain