Honesty is the new sexy

Five years ago, I scheduled a photo session with Lone to capture the connection between my boyfriend and me.  Sometime horrible happened that week and I had to cancel.  Three months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend after 18 years.

I am learning so much about myself in the past few months.  I realized part of me is compressing a lot of my feelings and fears, but the other part of me is saying “I am turning 38, I should be honest about myself….if this is how I feel, I’ll deal with it!” 

I was working on opening up and looking for ways to pull my deepest emotions to the surface even if it’s disappointing or painful.  I want to experience them and learn from them.  Everything happen for a reason!  There’s no better time than now to let Lone do her magic.  And it is all about ME this time!

At Lone’s boudoir, I was bouncing around bare foot which I like to do when I’m in a good mood and not wearing high heels.

After having some champagne, we started giggling and shooting. Lone told me to loosen up and move around.  I said I like to climb and I want to be up-side-down.

She gave me a “really?” look and thought I would hurt myself.

By the time we were at the barn and at the last few shoots, I said I want to get on the horse.

Lone responded “Oh, why am I not surprise!?”

I was happy like an eight years old.  My mom always said I could not sit still when I was young. I didn’t walk but jump.  Only if I knew, I could have become a trapeze artist at a circus traveling around in pretty costumes.

That’s me.

I am very simple and positive. I don’t have big dreams!  I just want to be comfortable and happy.

I’m always making expressive faces. I am connected to animals.

I like to be fuzzy. I like flowers. I love desserts.

That’s me.

Someone had asked if I think I’m beautiful and do I feel sexy.

My answer was “no”.

This amazing photo session with Lone was powerful!  It was not about my age or my size, but me!

Now looking at these photos, yes! I am beautiful and I am sexy, not because of my appearances or presentations but my energy and honesty of being me!

I learned nobody will love me and protect me like myself.

Nobody wants to get hurt including myself, but I am not afraid to get hurt.

That’s part of life and part of me.  I don’t need anyone to prove that I am attractive. That’s me.

I can be annoying and bitchy.

That’s right, that’s all me!